i permit you to call me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize