Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize