tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
