Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
