I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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