dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
