I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
