I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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