No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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