your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
