I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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