he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
