guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
