The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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