you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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