My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
