My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize