I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
