I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
