Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
