It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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