i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
