I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
