I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"it" just moved
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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