Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
