How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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