So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
