i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
