i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
