Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
