goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
