i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
