Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
