i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
