Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
