For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
