Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
