I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
