Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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