I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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