the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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