Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
