evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
