I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
