thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
