I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
