I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
