just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
