can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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