If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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