Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
