I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I looked at my own cervix.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
