Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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