you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
