I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
