Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
