i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
