It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
