it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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