I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
