apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
