Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
