Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize