Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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