Are we in a gay sports bar?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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