im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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