you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
